I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
