he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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