Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
