Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
