Pregnant stripper...not hot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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