Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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