I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
