You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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