he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
