Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
