No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
