I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
be right there i have to get my cape
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
