if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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