I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
