was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
