It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dignity is for republicans.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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