R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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