apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
