They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
