He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
