i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
