My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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