worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize