i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize