He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
