Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
