I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
