If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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