I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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