some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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