well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
