he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
