I think my fart just growled at me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
