Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
