i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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