tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
