you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As shirtless as possible
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize