i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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