mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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