I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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