There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
