everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
