never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
