he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
