going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
