First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
