When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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