I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
