Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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