yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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