i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
