the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Semen is not good for contacts.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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