he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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