Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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