Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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