so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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