is your mom at the bar?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
