There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
