my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
