I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
