my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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