but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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