two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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