Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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