Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
