sarcasm needs its own font
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
